Europe According to Latin Americans

Europe According to Latin Americans

This is something I have been asked for ever since I published the World Map According to Americans. I have postponed it for several reasons. First, I suffer from acute procrastination and second, I actually contracted it from Latin Americans. There are 3 of them snoring in my apartment right now. In such circumstances, it’s hard to just stop and write down your impressions because you are always tempted to continue observing and analyzing, just in case you missed something really important. If I didn’t feel pressured by my book project, I would have probably postponed it even further.

Truth be told, I’ve seen and heard enough to fill not one but twenty maps. And of course there are different sets of stereotypes that are applied depending on the situation. For example, every time there is a political problem in Latin America, people automatically blame el imperialismo, under which term they include the entire European continent. Precision and accuracy rarely matters in political propaganda, so I have been called an imperialist by proxy even though my country was ruled by the Ottomans for the entire colonial period.

Then there is the purely cultural rift between Latin and Teutonic cultures, which is typical even on a domestic European level. But the Latin American culture, being an extension of the Iberian one, diverts even more radically. Simply the word “German” can be used in a derogatory way to signify a person who has problems expressing his emotions. Remember, we’re talking about people who can describe even Spaniards as reserved and numb.

The collection featured on this map is a fusion of both sets, with the cultural having a definite prevalence over the political, mostly because I grew tired of analyzing people like Chavez, Correa and Morales. Even though the last one gained a special place in my heart when I heard him claiming that people become gay by eating chicken. Perhaps I can dedicate them a special map. And of course, it will come with a collector’s calendar of Cristina Fernández freshly botoxed and half naked on an empty Falkland Islands beach.

24 comments
German Dousdebes
German Dousdebes

I am Colombian and I what I think about Croatia and Slovakia would be, just hot girls and boring people.

Silva
Silva like.author.displayName 1 Like

As a Brazilian: nobody around here even remembers Europe exists when talking about imperialism (although we *should*, as that'd make understanding Africa much easier ...) - it's always our northern neighbors (see: Ecuador :P ).

alphadesigner
alphadesigner moderator

And your Southern ones as well. :)

Silva
Silva

 @alphadesigner Which ones? I don't recall anyone talking about Argentinian/Paraguayan/Uruguayan imperialism around here.

 

*eagerly awaits being able to legitimately talk about "Ilhas Malvinas"*

Silva
Silva

 @alphadesigner Sorry - I meant that for Brazilians, imperialism only ever meant "USA" (which, as I said, is a somewhat narrow view, but valid as far as Brazil goes).

alphadesigner
alphadesigner moderator

Perhaps I misunderstood your reference. I thought you were pointing out that only your northern neighbors still referred to European imperialism as a driving force in EU's foreign policy and I wanted to add that Argentina also plays that game occasionally. I wasn't claiming there were imperialistic tendencies in any of the Latin American countries.

AlphaDesigner
AlphaDesigner

Well because I don't think too many Latinos know Slovenia and Croatia, except those who actually had the chance to go there. And once you go there, you get definitely impressed by the beauty of the coast, which is truly spectacular. So in this case Costa Rica should be taken in the most literal way. :) Now neighboring Colombia and the rest of the Balkans are another question.

Sérgio Mayor de Andrade
Sérgio Mayor de Andrade

"Pastelaria" because we´re known in Brazil (as well as other Latin American nations, it would seem) as Bakers, for those who didn´t catch the joke:)

AlphaDesigner
AlphaDesigner

Oh, and Switzerland went from "jerks" to "Heidi".

AlphaDesigner
AlphaDesigner

I shared your remark with the Supreme Latin American Council that resides in the kitchen and we took a decision to replace Portugal, Spain and the UK with "pastelaria", "la madre pútria" and "Leididí", effective immediately. :)

Sérgio Mayor de Andrade
Sérgio Mayor de Andrade

It was such a remark, no need to change; I really enjoy your work. For instance, I loved your Vatican map of Europe, with Holy Mary sightings spot, and Spain being “Holly Land (currently under gay control)” and Portugal being “Maryland”. “Maryland” is also under Gay control, Portugal and Spain being the only South-Euro countries to allow Gay Marriage. Which, enlightened straight guy that I am, is fine by me.

AlphaDesigner
AlphaDesigner

Sérgio Mayor de Andrade - I'll think about it though. There are others who strongly suggest different stereotypes for Spain and Portugal altogether. I don't usually change things once I publish them but we'll see. :)

Vanesa Baerga
Vanesa Baerga

I liked the Ireland/Puerto Rico comparison, he!

elsafm1955
elsafm1955

Oh, I've learned from my husband in almost 30 years to be as self-ironic as a fine italo-napolitan guy could be. But Moralez it does not exist. I know Evo MoraleS as one of the new faces in Latinamerica (New, neo, neuf???, Gianni Minà had said so in a very good faith.) and if he ever said so,maybe he called gay himself. Does MoraleS not eat chicken?

With this premise i must say  I always laugh out  loud with these maps  and I hope the maps about the "terrorists" could be  full load of fun like this one.

Elsa Flores Colaizzo.

alphadesigner
alphadesigner moderator

Thanks for pointing it out, Elsa! Fixed now. I have no idea if he eats chicken, but you can check the video to also see his prediction that in 50 years everybody would be bald. :))

AlphaDesigner
AlphaDesigner

Sérgio Mayor de Andrade - Getting into Linguistic detail is not what this map is about. ;) Maricos it is! :)

Sérgio Mayor de Andrade
Sérgio Mayor de Andrade

As much as I love your work, and this one is no exception, as a Portuguese, I disagree that Latin-Americans would call us "Maricos". Maricos is neither a Portuguese, nor a Castillian word. I would use a term like "Mariconcitos" or perhaps "Non-spanish speaking maricones":D

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