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Dear gay people,
I know it’s not easy growing up on the outskirts of society. I know it hurts to be despised, marginalized and laughed at. I know how it feels to be a moral target for bigots who don’t want to take responsibility for their own actions. In fact, I am just like you.
Yet sometimes I consider myself homophobic. And I’ll give you a very straight explanation why.
I hope you don’t get a boner when you read that paragraph but who knows. The only thing that is not sexualized by your so-called gay culture (yet) is fried fish. That’s one of the problems I have with you. I’m pretty sure if I let you in my house, you will try to mate with everything, starting from the door knob and ending with the chandelier. And that’s just yucky.
In fact, I can prove scientifically there is an equivalent to Godwin’s law for conversations involving gay people: After the third sentence in any gay conversation, the probability of a sexual reference reaches 100%. You can quote me anytime. For free.
No, you’re not supposed to laugh yet. Just pay attention.
Do you know what’s your problem? You’re morbidly distracted. I wouldn’t put all the blame on you, after all “good society” has been busy erecting (yum!) so many obstacles on your way that your mental shape resembles the one of an aborted fetus, re-implanted in the womb of a Christian fundamentalist. You look at it, you’re full with sympathy and yet you know you don’t want it around 24/7. Because it’s hideous.
But there’s a difference between a retarded baby and you – you’re just plain worse. The baby would at least want to break free from its cage of limitations as much as it is physically and mentally possible. You’re a different case. You seem to embrace your limitations. You just raped the word “shallow”, filled it with some skewed sense of dignity, and now you demand respect for it. And I know there are hordes of straight people who enjoy your ridiculous idea of “liberation” by waving plastic water pistols on street platforms but guess what, those people would never join you up there. Why? Because everybody loves clowns, yet few people dare to be them. And to make things even more complicated, the only way someone can play a clown and get away with at least a tiny speck of dignity is if he puts something really clever in his act. Yours is more shallow than a swamp in Florida.
You don’t believe me? Let’s do a test. How many of you have heard of Alan Turing? Good. Now how many of you have heard of Madonna?
See?
Now I know what you’re going to say – how dare I mix entertainment idols with serious people. You know what, shove your excuses somewhere else! Every retarded queen should know who Alan Turing was. Wake the fuck up!
And don’t give me that “I’m proud of what I am” shit because the answer you will get from me is the same as the answer I give to any proud morbidly obese McDonald’s fan: Shame on you! True, it’s a free world and you can do whatever you want. But whoever told you there’s grace in being a moron was a perverted liar. Either that, or a very clever homophobic bigot whose goal was to keep you in the mental jail you proudly call your world.
